Do we all have different perspectives?
Perspectives
Last week as I opened my mailbox on my oldest surviving Hotmail account, among all the junk mails there was a mail from Tajinder Singh with the subject ‘Tajinder Singh at IIM Bangalore’. The mail said that he was visiting Bangalore for a program at IIM. Tajinder was my class fellow in Graduation at Chandigarh. And had come to know through another class fellow that I was in Bangalore. It was a pleasant surprise to see him in my mailbox. I was happy to know that he has tried to be in touch after so many years too. Needless to say that I looked forward to meeting him. So I promptly wrote all my contact details to him and asked him to call me back ASAP.
Tajinder called me in the evening while I was on my way back to home. He just asked how much time I would take to reach home and would call at home. After reaching home, my phone got engaged due to some important business discussion. And Tajinder could reach me only late at night. I spoke to him almost after ten years. Although we kept hearing about each other through our common friends.
Speaking after 10 years
A lot has changed in these ten years. In those days Tajinder was always dreaming to be in Civil Services and almost behaved like one. When I went on do my masters in Software, he thought the best thing to do and to be is to be a civil servant. While I made my entry into the software world in its hay days. He entered the allied services and became a forest officer in Haryana Cadre. As part of my profession, the world became a home to me. For him, his state became the world. Both of us moved reasonably well in our respective careers.
Different Perspectives
While catching on what is happening in each other’s world, I sensed a totally different perspective that he held on almost everything in life and especially in lifestyles. He thought that working till five is being very busy. I felt as if I have done only half-day if I am out of office by five. He felt that if I am inviting him over to dinner, I would have to spend at least half a day preparing for dinner. While in my distant thoughts also I don’t think of cooking when I am trying to catch up with my friends. I was proud to be working for the most admired company in the country. For him, it was just another Private Naukri. For another old timer working on cutting-edge technology in a lesser known company, it was not even as respectable as me. I was struggling tooth and nail in my organization for sponsorship of my management degree at IIM. And for him, government sponsored and supported IIM program was only attractive because it meant a three-month stint in the USA, the fact that it was at Harvard did not excite as much.
Different Thoughts
He was still skeptical of meeting me after seven in the evening. For me, that was the only time I can meet you. I was all out to tell him the excitements that my profession gives me and the challenges that it offers. But he was only keen on talking about the University days and the people associated with them. I appreciated the research being done by some of our classmates. While he pitied them for living in a research associates salary and how they were rotting themselves in the labs. In our graduation days, all of us used to look up to them.
My offer to pick him up on my way back did hurt his chauvinism, and he reacted by saying ‘No No! You don’t need to come, I can make it on my own’. And not being used to such reactions, I did not know how to react. He tried to tell me that he is authorized to fly and does not need to slog himself in trains. And very fondly told me his airline and the time the flight takes, somewhere subtly assuming that people in Private Naukris don’t enjoy these perks.
Finally, I could not meet him as I was working on an important proposal for a US client and had to work almost round the clock, but could chat with him almost every day of His week’s stay. After he left Bangalore, I had this strange insight of the difference your environment can make to you. Both of us started from the same finishing point with different dreams in our eyes. We are living our dreams, which not many people are privileged to do, but ours were two different worlds. Our perspectives were different.
you are so correct Anu. you never know where one road leads to until you walk on it. life can change almost instantly. and your thoughts, ideas and comments depend on the way you have lived. life is a very good teacher and time is a very good healer.
Anu, this is a very well-written account. That experiences shape us, our perspectives and prejudices, the way we live and interpret life reminds me of this – “Between stimulus and response, we have the power to choose” – quote I read somewhere. As much as situations shape us, our response to them does more so. Every being forms opinions, constructs beliefs, and crystallizes their own convictions. These are the essential devices with which we negotaiate our lives. Its interesting to study the interplay of our devices with that of others in this world… there is conflict and aggression, destruction and oppression, death and loss of meaning. The way forward, then, one might find is this line of thought on Change – “Change cannot be brought about by fast, intelligent moves or by smart people, but by long conversations followed by longer silence between different people who need to learn different things”.
So as much as we are convinced about our convictions, our points of view, it is our ability to view and examine those of others as holding equal value, deserving respect and sincerely considering them with a certain discernment of the person(s) harbouring them, which, helps us influence Change. Of course, this is reflected in attitudes and characteristics we ascribe such as ‘broad-minded’, ‘open-mind/heart’ etc in our day-to-day life.
Your excellent piece is quite a stimulation…thank you.
Ram.
Anu, this is a very well-written account. That experiences shape us, our perspectives and prejudices, the way we live and interpret life reminds me of this – “Between stimulus and response, we have the power to choose” – quote I read somewhere. As much as situations shape us, our response to them does more so. Every being forms opinions, constructs beliefs, and crystallizes their own convictions. These are the essential devices with which we negotaiate our lives. Its interesting to study the interplay of our devices with that of others in this world… there is conflict and aggression, destruction and oppression, death and loss of meaning. The way forward, then, one might find is this line of thought on Change – “Change cannot be brought about by fast, intelligent moves or by smart people, but by long conversations followed by longer silence between different people who need to learn different things”.
So as much as we are convinced about our convictions, our points of view, it is our ability to view and examine those of others as holding equal value, deserving respect and sincerely considering them with a certain discernment of the person(s) harbouring them, which, helps us influence Change. Of course, this is reflected in attitudes and characteristics we ascribe such as ‘broad-minded’, ‘open-mind/heart’ etc in our day-to-day life.
Your excellent piece is quite a stimulation…
Ram.
I live in between the tow worlds.. The private naukari.. and The sarkari babus.. U have written an excellent account of dreams and description.. 95 out of 100. Not full marx coz there is a glitch of bias on certain occasions.